Today is Christmas...is it that I'm 50 or is it that I have simply lost my sense of self..I'm in the in between...11 y.o. son, 13 y.o. son, and 16 y.o. son..married to my husband for 17 years..He has found his passion...Ironman...full time and fun...This just seemed another day..where were the days that I made Christmas fun..bought the babies their much wanted toys...invited friends over..imbibed and ate and was merry! I'm now trying to reinvent my worth as I see that I'm needed less in the ways that I cherished the most...Where am I...Where am I...I seek an evolving self towards fulfillment of why I'm here now....I go through the "right" stuff..board member of a child abuse residential home...think of others happiness...sure that everyone is cared for and learning what they need to be functional and happy people...
What happens when you are in a place of hold? Emotions turned off..floating? Hum.....
