Friday, December 25, 2009

My Thought for the Day...

Today is Christmas...is it that I'm 50 or is it that I have simply lost my sense of self..I'm in the in between...11 y.o. son, 13 y.o. son, and 16 y.o. son..married to my husband for 17 years..He has found his passion...Ironman...full time and fun...This just seemed another day..where were the days that I made Christmas fun..bought the babies their much wanted toys...invited friends over..imbibed and ate and was merry! I'm now trying to reinvent my worth as I see that I'm needed less in the ways that I cherished the most...Where am I...Where am I...I seek an evolving self towards fulfillment of why I'm here now....I go through the "right" stuff..board member of a child abuse residential home...think of others happiness...sure that everyone is cared for and learning what they need to be functional and happy people...
What happens when you are in a place of hold? Emotions turned off..floating? Hum.....

2 comments:

  1. Tough times. God I hate "Limboland". I have lived there. Many told me that turning 50 was going to be liberating and I have not found that at all. I have found it to be a huge blow to my sense of self and very marginalizing.
    You have been on this path for a while because you are one of the rare ones - gifted and compassionate and responsible. When people are just 2 out of 3 I think their decisions are easier!!!
    It took me so long..and you know this because you walked it with me.......to be able to say out loud that I want things to be very different. But change of any sort requires courage. And any change that we choose impacts others.
    What I know for sure - I am like Jim J. - I want to go out with nothing left, satisfied that I have done what I was put here to do; I want my dreams to be so big that there is no way they can all be accomplished in this life on earth; I am not alone and neither are you!!!

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  2. I just need to surround my self with others who are honest enough to discuss this passage....

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